Why compassion?
“The struggle is real”. This is probably one of the most overused phrases on college campuses. For me the struggle has always been self-confidence. In college, whenever I got an opportunity, I had to wonder “Why on earth did they choose me?” As a result, one of my biggest goals as a professional has always been to promote confidence in students. In fact, to this day many of my fondest memories are of those staff members who came into the position with similar doubts to mine and left as the person new staff looked to for wisdom. Reflecting over my time as a supervisor, I’ve noticed a few ways in which I can promote increased confidence through self-compassion:
Focus on what can be controlled
A self-doubting staff member can take low program turnout or student behavior issues as an indictment on the quality of their work. The problem is that these are variables that are really outside the staff member’s control. Instead of focusing purely on results, ask your staff member to focus on what they had control over in the situation. Did they invite students through word of mouth? Create compelling advertisements? Establish clear expectations in their communities? Ask them to take credit for the work they did in the areas they could control. If not, encourage them to show themselves the same compassion they would show a peer. In short, they should acknowledge their feelings, move forward, and incorporate what they learned into future work.
Show compassion through accountability
Although it may feel like you should handle a self-doubting staff member with kid gloves, researcher and TED talker Brene Brown talks about accountability as a path to compassion. Especially relevant here are some confidence boosting effects I’ve noticed from holding staff members accountable. First off, it shows that I respect the staff member enough to bring a concern to them. Additionally, it shows that I am invested in their success. More tangibly, it helps improve their skills and give them more reasons to feel confident. Finally, it allows them to take a break from self-doubting and trust that if there is a performance issue, I will bring it to them.
Take your own advice: Practice self-compassion
How often do professionals have insightful conversations with students only to find that we don’t act on those insights ourselves? This year I’ve started striving to practice self-compassion for a short amount of time each day. In fact, research shows that practicing self-compassion for as little as 15 seconds a day can rewire our brains to make us more self-compassionate people. I’m hoping I’ll be able to maintain these practices for my own benefit, as well as set a positive example for my staff. If you’re looking for strategies, Kristin Neff’s website, self-compassion.org, is a great starting place to find some simple exercises to incorporate into your self-care routine and/or your work with students.
Final thoughts… Building a Self-Compassionate World
The Dalai Lama tells us that “Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive.” Therefore, let’s start a trend of showing love and compassion to ourselves, not just to others. Let’s make a commitment to bring this practice past our office doors and into our whole lives.
> BONUS <
Podcast With Dave Kerpen on Authenticity/ Branding on Social Media
