The day after the grand jury decision in the shooting death of Mike Brown I shed a tear on my way to work listening to Otis Redding “A Change Is Gonna Come” thinking about how I was going to enter this predominately White institution and do my job. 8:00PM we received the decision and by 8:00AM I had to be ready to support my students of color who were angry, hurting, frustrated, sad, and who would come to me.

I had not yet done my own reflection and processing of the decision and even trying to write this now is very challenging for me as I still feel like I have not fully come into my feelings about Ferguson, the grand jury, and the very real impact it has for me and the identities I hold.

I am a young Black woman, in multicultural affairs, a radical educator and agitator, and because of this I am one of very few “go-to” people for the students of color, especially Black students on a very White campus. An institution, who as of 3:00PM on November 26 has yet to release a statement about what is happening just 5 hours away from us in Ferguson. Who has yet to say anything about the impact that this might be having on our students, especially our students who are from St.Louis, Ferguson and surrounding towns. This is where the outrage comes from, our institutions are silent, our leaders are absent, and our students, colleagues, and community members are in pain.

I am struggling as a young Black woman. I am struggling with how to support my students, how to care for myself, how to talk to my 7-year-old brother this Thanksgiving about the realities of his identity. I am challenged on how I can strategically hold my colleagues and institution accountable and committed to addressing the ways in which we have been systemically oppressing minoritized populations. I am trying to balance making waves without burning bridges. I am exploring what justice and equity can look like on this campus and how we can create that; All while sitting in my locked office with the lights off taking care of myself and my students who need a truly safe space to be who they are without fear of rubber bullets, tear gas, microaggressions, missteps from allies, and the blatant racist remarks heard in person and online.

This is more than 8AM-5PM, this is about my life, humanity, and citizenship. It is about justice and freedom for people who look like my dad and my brother. This is more than work, but it is work, hard work and lifelong work. I urge us all to look inward at our own roles and responsibility to creating change at our institutions, I beg us to look outward and see the pain and lividness that many in our communities are experiencing. I hope we are taking care of ourselves and each other and using this as a catalyst to change our institutions, our communities and the world. As you start or continue the dialogue with students, I would encourage us to begin by asking the question “What do you need?” and work from there.

*Predominately White Institution