Last year I told a story of how I was committed to speaking my truth as an outside contribution to the Committed series. Since that day, so much has changed and at the same time, so little.
I continue to adjust medications, find comfort in a variety of forms of self-care, struggle, and live.
My focus the last year has been on finding peace with the pieces of myself. One of the struggles that I have found in my journey with mental illness is my want to ‘just be better.’ I want a magic fix. I want to wake up tomorrow and find a world of unicorns and rainbow glitter. And I know that this is likely not going to happen. There are happy moments, and there are sad moments, and there are angry moments, and I’m coming to realize that every moment is a permanent part of me; I cannot escape any single one of them. In fact, I need to embrace all of them.
This collage is meant to represent these many parts of me. The art that I choose to make as a way to communicate with myself; the smile that is both true and a cover; the yoga blocks that remind me that sometimes I need help to support myself; the medicine that I take to make it through each day; the holistic therapy that gives me room to explore myself and picks me back up when I fall; the physical injuries that pile on but don’t stop me; the beauty of nature that offers me a backdrop for meditation and grounding; and myself, my past and my present that make my future.
Each of these pieces is important; my story wouldn’t be the same if one was removed and another made larger to fill its place. And while I may not have found total peace, each day I find a new piece that helps me move forward on my way.